Ellie is about to be 5 months old soon. Dove is 5 years old right now.
As cliché as it is to ask, I still wonder - "Where has the time gone?"
I remember how my father would ask the same question as I grew up...and now I'm in his position seemingly in the blink of an eye. (And I am bittersweet about the notion of Dove and Ellie asking the same question in the distant future, when they have their own children...)
Time is relative. And the older we get, the relatively shorter it seems. This makes sense. One year to a 5 year old is a significantly larger portion of their life than one year is to a 35 year old.
It's a fact of life that I hate.
Knowing this constraint...this warped perception of time...I dearly hold onto these fleeting moments of love, of growth, of togetherness.
There were no stakes before - living carefree, only thinking about how to fund the next vacation or luxury purchase...
But now, the stakes seem the highest they've ever been. Earn enough money to support two daughters while spending enough time with them to give a grounded, loving upbringing.
Do all this while balancing my own individual physical fitness, mental health, social community and personal growth.
It can seem like a lot, and yet not enough - all at once.
This seems to be the paradox of parenting - we are supposed to have it all figured out yet we find ourselves in unchartered territory every single day.
Parenting is just as much about finding yourself as it is about developing your children.